Disclaimer: None of you are paying me enough to merit an apology, explanation, or excuse.
I’m just saying…
For a few weeks now, I’ve been in a horrible, horrible rut. I’ve been slack and i know it. I’ve been hating myself for it. I’ve been hating you for it. I’ve been so full of hate but it’s all because of the hatred that I have for that Mother Fucker trump and the mother fuckers that keep him in power.
I hate that we are being brought to the end of everything because some crazy assholes think that triggering Armageddon will bring back Jesus. There’s so much to hate… some much I could go on about….
..
…
ya know what?.. nope. i can’t even do this. when i start to write about my depression it feels like I’m writing my suicide note. and thats not what I’m doing…. Not yet anyway.
I tell ya what… here’s something I wrote for my boss at my day job, (budtender)… he was going around seeing how his employees are doing and I like to write things down, so I sent him this:
What’s My Pulse?
Let’s see….
- The United States has been in an illegal and immoral war since late February.
- Every financial expert and analyst is saying that a tremendous financial crash is imminent.
- The US dollar is collapsing internationally.
- Every morning I wake up to another headline about how Trump has abused his power to enrich himself and his family.
- I can no longer afford health insurance and therefore, my bipolar mental condition is going untreated.
- Living conditions are deteriorating as the price of gas and groceries skyrocket.
- And I don’t have a dog.
I think I’m handling it pretty damn good considering all that.
Thank you for asking. It means a lot. I mean that. I look forward to talking to you about it but with so much to say I wanted to write some things down.
As I stated in my second anniversary ‘thank-you note’ a few months ago, I am in a much, much better place than I was when I started.
[ this is thank you note I reference:]
May 6
·
An open letter to everyone at Brothers Cannabis,
I was a different person twenty four months ago. A very different person. I was a defeated, broken man. On the verge of god knows what. I had been looking for a job with no luck at all for almost a year and there was no hope in sight. Nobody was interested in hiring a 50-something year-old who is still looking for entry-level jobs. Not being able to support myself ruined my self respect. I had zero creativity and any joy I did experience was overshadowed by the need for a job. I felt like I had no purpose in life.
My older sister and probably my best friend, Nancy, had told me before and then told me again: “apply at the dispensaries…they’re all over the place”. I finally took her advice. I applied at Vibes, American ReLeaf, Rock Steady Remedies, Broadway Cannabis, Gas Gas Medical, Firestorm, Wildwood Cannabis, and, of course, Brothers Cannabis.
When I consider how things could have gone from there, I thank my lucky stars. I must have done something right at one point in my life because the universe rewarded me by having Mr. Jellison, the general manager of Brothers Cannabis, recognize my picture in the corner of my resume. He invited me in and the rest… well. I’m still learning about the products and I have a ways to go there, but my life has turned around. It’s been a good two years. It’s been a great two years. Even with all the shit going on in the world, I, myself, am in such a better place and I owe so much of that to this job. Not just for the paychecks and tips, but for people I’ve met and the friendships I’ve forged.
I might be the oldest person in the room so listen kids… Do NOT undervalue a job like this one.
So, on this, my two-year anniversary at Brothers Cannabis, I want to shout out a great-big “Thank You” to everyone who got me here and who keeps me here. Management, my co-workers (at all the stores), and, yes Virgina, even the customers.
This song is for you:
Guitar Vader – Super Brothers – https://youtu.be/8yz9FOI1YFc?si=kaOroq6UmFDkLbSN
[ back to what I sent my boss ]
Here is one of my favorite graphs… You’ve probably seen it before
When I moved to Bangor about nine years ago, I did so thinking I was going to be starting a career working on websites. It didn’t work out. The guy who I was working for was shady and it just dissolved. From that point on I was stuck taking care of the bottom two levels of that graph. I was in complete ‘survival mode’.
Since working at Brothers, I have been able to become a real person again and I’m able to work on the yellow, green, and I’m starting to dip into the top, purple, ‘self-actualization’ part of life and I’m loving it. Just as the world is falling apart, I’m starting to get my shit together.
This is one of the few times in my life that I can say that I love my job. My co-workers are the best. The customers are awesome,… My bosses are cool and there isn’t a whole lot of inter-office drama (if any)….. We’re selling weed to people who can afford it. I don’t ever feel like we’re taking advantage of our customers (as I have in most places I’ve worked). It’s an honest business and from what I’ve experienced, that’s rare and to be valued. This is a good job and I know it.
Will Brothers be my career?
If it ends up that way, it wouldn’t be the worst thing that happens, but honestly, .. I hope not. I want to be rich. Filthy rich. And that doesn’t happen by working for someone else.
Nope…. My path out of poverty is digital. It’s international, … it’s Rabid Gorilla.
I’ve mentioned Rabid Gorilla often in the past but very recently the concept of it, beyond the website, is coming together and I think I understand my purpose in life better than ever before. I don’t have children and I’m not going to … Rabid Gorilla is what I want to leave behind. I’ve written a little thing about what I want Rabid Gorilla to be in the future.
You don’t have to, but, if you want to understand what drives me, read this:
It’s a crazy pipe dream I know. I’m okay with that. I’ve got one life to live and I’d rather spend working towards that than anything else. And, if I can pull that off, … some way or another, I think I can end up rich.
You might also notice that I have my resume on that site as well. I’ve updated it, adding another page that highlights my more artistic side. Please don’t take it as any kind of threat… but if a big-time Hollywood agent discovers me… I’m outta here baby!
Meanwhile… I really do want to stay with Brothers. I need a steady income and a place to be during the day that isn’t in front of my computer. I don’t think about it very much, but if an opportunity within the company were to open up, I would definitely be interested in advancement. I think I have more to offer the organization and visa versa. (ask me about the Brothers workplace-comedy screenplay sometime)
But alas,… not everything is wonderful.
[ this is the part of the letter where I beg for a raise… use your imagination ]
Anyway…. I’ll be back… and in better condition.
or I won’t.
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